".....Sesungguhnya Allah menyesatkan siapa yang Dia kehendaki dan memberi petunjuk orang yang bertaubat kepadaNya. Iaitu orang-orang yang beriman dan hati mereka menjadi tenteram dengan mengingati Allah. Ingatlah, hanya dengan mengingati Allah hati menjadi tenteram"
Ar-Radh [13: 27-28]
These few weeks was really stressful for me. Not really sure why. Maybe since GP placement has started. Going to the placement just made me wonder whether I am taking the right path towards a career that I really want. 3rd year up to this point has been really overwhelming. I guess it is partly because now I feel like it's the real thing now. Its no longer studying for exams. I really need to study hard because it's human lives I'm dealing with. Not just pieces of papers and stimulated patients at the end of the semester. With my GP never failing to continuously ask me questions, and being me who can't recall most of the things that I have already learnt is really frustrating. But to think back, maybe it is a good thing. At least, he made me stressed enough to push me to study. But yeah, the end result is that I'm really stressed out thinking that that is all I have to do now with my time. STUDY. STUDY. and more STUDYing.
From all these stressful situations, I may have moved myself away from Allah. I did less solat sunat and less Quran reading just because I need more time to study. As if, the time was really used for studying anyway. I'm still lazy to study (not that lazy that I don't study at all of course). I still sleep early and wake up late in the morning. Even if I do sleep late at night, it was never because I was studying. It's either Facebook-ing or watching korean drama. I even added extra activities such as learning korean and playing the keyboard thinking that I must have other non-medical stuff to do because I easily get bored from studying. Instead I did more of the non-medical stuff. So much of rewarding/bribing myself into studying.
But then, today, while I was studying with my friends, I realized that they really know lots of medical stuff that I didn't even ring any bell in my brain. Coming back home, my housemate was telling me her experience in her GP placement and her achievement to answer a difficult question by the GP and having the experience to do a medical procedure (not a major one of course, we might be sued!!). I got really stressed out especially with the additional eye pain I'm having. (such irony of having eye pain on m ophthalmology week..haha). So while taking my shower, I cried my eyes out or should I say medically that I had an epiphora episode. Then I performed my prayers and read the Quran.
I have to say, ALHAMDULILLAH, ALHAMDULILLAH, ALHAMDULILLAH. Somehow Allah made me want to read the Quran today and pray the solat sunat. It was when I was reading the Quran that I cam across the verse as stated above. "The heart can only be peaceful by remembering Allah". Those words really struck my heart. My heart haven't landed in a peaceful state these past few weeks. And seriously, just by reading these words, that I my heart found its peace. I know, I know. The words didn't solve my problem of needing to study. Its not like after reading those words, all the medical knowledge in the world is magically bluetooth/downloaded into my brain. I know. But they somehow successfully comforted my struggling heart. The power of the Quran I must say. I have no doubt at all. Allah is The Greatest indeed!!! No human in this world can ever comfort my heart with just a sentence. Reading between the lines of the verse, I see that all I can do is putting my best effort and leave the rest to Allah. Allah is The Biggest Planner. He knows everything. The first thing I have to do is of course to change my attitude from laziness to hardworking-ness. The rest is up to Allah. Whatever He has planned is the best for me. I put my full trust in Allah.
Such long babbling. Hahahahaha....Actually, the take home message from my story is that I advice anyone out there whose heart is not at peace, just REMEMBER ALLAH....it's just as simple as that.....whenever you feel troubled, just open the Quran and read a page or two...insyaAllah, Allah's words are all you need to comfort your heart. It might even solve the problem. Allah is The Greatest. So why trust anyone else but HIM???
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